Then and now

It's funny, I was thinking about it today and right about a year ago at this time, I was at my lowest point ever I think. Nate had just been turned down from another job offer, there seemed to be no end in sight to his unemployment, things were starting to really shift and go downhill at church.

My faith was shaken. My spirit was crushed. Our marriage was still strong, we were holding together, but it was starting to get a little bit rough at times and I think Nate will agree with me on that. It was a tough time for both of us. I know it was hard for Nate not only because of the employment issues but also not knowing how to help me through the other stuff. There seemed to be no light, although we didn't know it at the time, we were mere days from the call that finally changed things for the better. It just seemed like the dark clouds would never part.

We came through the other side, stronger and better for it. One year later I can look back on those dark days and say, wow, look where we were and where we are now! When I reflect on it I see I have become a better person and I can even understand why things happened the way they did.

I had to learn that I am NOT in control even though I want to be the one who is. God is in control. I thought we were meant to travel on one path, but God said, nope, you need to go this way. I see it so clearly now, even if I was looking through the wrong glasses a year ago. Things happen for a reason, even if it just doesn't make sense at the time.

Today I can truly and honestly say that I am in such a good place in my life right now. Our marriage is stronger than ever. Amazing and wonderful things happened even if we were led to leave our church (yes I said led, I still believe this was God's plan for me, hard as it was to go through). We are so blessed with family and friends, beautiful people put in our lives that I never want to let go of. I am feeling comfortable on the path we are walking right now.

Today my faith is strong, my spirit is alive. And perhaps the best gift of all is knowing, if the dark times come again, we CAN get through them. As long as we trust in the Lord and remember it is His path, not our own. I hope those dark times never come again, but nothing is for certain.

For now I just rejoice in what is. And you know what? It feels pretty darn good. The past is the past. I live in the now. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. And I am at peace.