I've been trying to find the words to write this post and I still don't think I have them. I'm going to give it a try though since it's part of the healing/grieving process.
Thursday I went over to my parents for my usual lunch hour. My mom came out of the bathroom when I came in the door and she was crying. My heart sank. "I think Cleo had a stroke," she said. I started to cry a little too, though somehow, those words weren't terribly shocking to hear. I have a weird, almost creepy sixth sense about this kind of stuff and I had been having a feeling for a couple of weeks that this was coming.
We sat down and started talking and I told my mom it was time to let her go. The vet had always said we'd know when it was time, and based on the symptoms my mom was describing, it was clearly time. Cleo was sleeping, rather unresponsive, not able to walk. We agreed that neither of us wanted her to be suffering. My dad needed convincing though, he was sort of thinking she might snap out of it, as she has with several other issues over the last couple of years, but it was pretty clear this time that it wasn't going to happen. So, I finished lunch and I left mom when she said she'd be ok and she said she'd talk to my dad about it and hopefully do what was necessary, maybe even that afternoon.
Unfortunately, it drug out to Friday morning. But, my dad came around and agreed that it was time and they got her in on Friday around 10:00 am. She was more or less sleeping and out of it, and thankfully did not appear to be in any pain. The vet said they were making the right decision, difficult as it was. With my parents by her side, she went very peacefully. The vet staff were extremely kind during the entire process. They even took back some of her unused special diet kidney food and took all of her medications to be destroyed.
I came for lunch on Friday and painful as it was, was hoping it was over. I made my peace with it on Thursday and said my goodbyes, not really feeling I wanted to be there at the very end. I just hoped that she was suffering no longer. And I came in the door and found my poor mom packing up all her old stuff and I knew it was done. And we cried some more, but we again agreed this was the right thing to do and she's in a better place.
Again, I'm sad about it, but I'm not overcome with grief. I'm sure it's because, as my mom said, she really was more her cat for the last ten or so years as I was busy with college and getting married and then moving out. Or maybe I'm just numb right now, but I think that it would be different if I was still there every day. I think it'll hit me more when my parents go out of town in a couple of weeks and I go get the mail for them and she won't be there.
My mom was having a hard time over the first couple of days and I think she will be sad for awhile to come, but she is getting better each day. Getting used to the new normal. We went out for some retail therapy on Saturday (well she did, I just drove since I'm still on shopping ban for Lent) and just spent some much needed time together and I think it helped a bit.
They will not get another pet. At least not in the foreseeable future. They are also finding the positives in the situation, such as now they can be a bit more spontaneous, if they want to drive up north for the day and stay the night, they don't have to worry about having someone come care for the cat. Little things like that. And they said that they have their "grand-kitties" (my cats) to come love on whenever they need a kitty fix.
Still, it is strange right now. I sat over there for lunch yesterday and kept seeing shadows and thinking she'd be coming around the corner. My mom said she's used to looking out for her when she's doing stuff in the kitchen, because she'd always be underfoot, so that feels weird right now too.
The only thing that helps is time. I know that it will get easier each day and I can already see my mom getting better with each day.
We have wonderful memories. She was a sweet and very special cat. And she will be missed and loved forever. She'll always be our queen of the house.
Side note - go here for a post I wrote reflecting on Cleo a bit a couple of years ago around the anniversary of when we adopted her.
Showing posts with label Cats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cats. Show all posts
3/27/12
11/3/11
Thankful Thursday - week 1
Well it's that time of year again - November - the month of the little holiday that could, Thanksgiving. I've talked at length in the past about how I feel for poor Thanksgiving and how it gets so overshadowed by the beast that is Christmas (and this is coming from a girl who loves, loves, LOVES Christmas). So when I saw my friend S posted about Thankful Thursday today, I decided I would join in as well, because really, I think it is important to reflect on the things you have and should be grateful for. Because they can overlap/be somewhat similar, I am going to stop Fabulous Friday through the month of November and instead do Thankful Thursdays.
So what I am thankful for this week? Here's my list.
1. Nine lives - you know how they say cats have nine lives? I have to wonder if that is true for our old family cat Cleo - she is 18 years old and lately was starting to have some issues again, my mom brought her to vet and we started preparing for the chance that this could be the end to only find out that they can still quite easily maintain the small issues that have popped up and that she's actually doing well otherwise. We'll take whatever time we can get with her, and I'm thankful that we should have another year or even two.
2. A glorious fall - after we had snow on the ground just about this time last year and never really saw the grass again until April, I'm very thankful for the beautiful fall weather. I'm also thankful that it's getting colder at night now at least so that it's hopefully killing the allergens I know some people suffer from. But otherwise, I'm just so amazed to look outside and still see beautiful colors and have it be nice enough to go outside and enjoy the scenery. We deserve this extended fall after last year's brutal winter.
3. Wonderful friends - I had a hard time last week on a couple of days but some very good friends helped me more than they'll know by listening to me and cheering me up. They know who they are and I just want them to know how much I appreciate them.
4. Nate - I am always thankful for my husband, but I'm thankful especially right now that he's still toughing out a less than ideal situation with work and while he still has some really not good days right now, he's doing the best he can and he isn't giving up. I am so proud of him and he is my hero. I love him more than words could say and I am just so thankful for everything about him.
There you go! What are you thankful for today?
So what I am thankful for this week? Here's my list.
1. Nine lives - you know how they say cats have nine lives? I have to wonder if that is true for our old family cat Cleo - she is 18 years old and lately was starting to have some issues again, my mom brought her to vet and we started preparing for the chance that this could be the end to only find out that they can still quite easily maintain the small issues that have popped up and that she's actually doing well otherwise. We'll take whatever time we can get with her, and I'm thankful that we should have another year or even two.
2. A glorious fall - after we had snow on the ground just about this time last year and never really saw the grass again until April, I'm very thankful for the beautiful fall weather. I'm also thankful that it's getting colder at night now at least so that it's hopefully killing the allergens I know some people suffer from. But otherwise, I'm just so amazed to look outside and still see beautiful colors and have it be nice enough to go outside and enjoy the scenery. We deserve this extended fall after last year's brutal winter.
3. Wonderful friends - I had a hard time last week on a couple of days but some very good friends helped me more than they'll know by listening to me and cheering me up. They know who they are and I just want them to know how much I appreciate them.
4. Nate - I am always thankful for my husband, but I'm thankful especially right now that he's still toughing out a less than ideal situation with work and while he still has some really not good days right now, he's doing the best he can and he isn't giving up. I am so proud of him and he is my hero. I love him more than words could say and I am just so thankful for everything about him.
There you go! What are you thankful for today?
8/5/11
Flashback Friday - Pippin
I was cleaning up one of my SIM cards this week and came across this picture of Nate with Pippin that was taken in 2008 shortly after we adopted her.
She was so tiny! Wanna see my cat now?
Hard to believe she was as small as she was then! There's a reason we call her our "BIG girl". But we love her, every single furry ounce.
4/25/11
Taylor the Wonder Cat
So indulge me once again in my nostalgic/milestone mood as I approach my fifth wedding anniversary. It's also the fifth anniversary of something else - my becoming a "parent" for the first time.
I know you're going - you don't have children Beth, what are you talking about? I'm talking about becoming a kitty parent of course! So, here we go, storytime!
I moved into our house two months before our wedding so I could start getting things settled and what not. And, as much as I wanted to and as much as she was my cat, I just knew in my heart I couldn't take Cleo away from the only home she'd ever known. Not to mention she was already getting older and she was just as much my mom's cat as she was mine (I've said before that Cleo pretty much has always been a "girl's" cat and just tolerates my dad). So, it was hard for me, but I left her behind.
So, I moved out and started adjusting to my new home. Fortunately I wasn't there completely alone, Ali had been living there to keep it from being empty and to help clean it out since so much of Auntie Helen's stuff was still there and such. But her and I did have different schedules and sometimes I was there alone and it would be kind of lonely at times. So after barely a month of being there, I started thinking about getting my own cat.
Nate and I discussed adopting a cat just as soon as we got married since we both grew up with cats and loved cats. But we had thought we'd wait until after the wedding and honeymoon and all of that.
Then two things happened -
1. Ali and I babysat their family cat for a weekend while my in-laws had their house painted. It helped me see both how a cat would work in our house and also that I truly missed having one around.
2. I started looking at Petfinder.org in my free time and found a cat through an organization called Cause for Paws and I fell in love.
I found out that Cause for Paws was having an adoption event at a Petco not far from us and that the cat I wanted was going to be there. So, I went over to check her out.
And of course, she was even cuter in person. She was this tiny ball of fur, she was about six months old at the time and so sweet. I called Nate who was working on his car and said "I'm going to do this, we are adopting this cat." He agreed, though I'll never know if it was because he was distracted from working on the car or not! I signed the papers and bought all the supplies I'd need for her - the organization was kind enough to give out coupon books to anyone who adopted that day - and then discussed with her foster mom when I could come and get her. She was working on healing from a tiny eye infection, so the foster mom said "let's wait a few days and then you can come and get her." This was fine since Missy hadn't quite gone home yet from our house!
A couple of days later however, Missy went home, and the foster mom called and said my kitty's eye had cleared up and we set up a time for me to pick her up.
She had already been given the name Taylor and we noticed she did respond pretty well to it from the first day we had her at our house. So, we decided to keep the name. Later when I'd put up pictures of her on Facebook and such, I'd say "This is Taylor the Wonder Cat".
The first few days were a little tough - she cried a lot at night and had anxiety about me leaving the house, I'm sure because it was a new environment and at her foster home, she had other cats around and they were confined to one room for the most part. And then just as we got her more or less settled, I had to lock her up during the day for a few days when I was gone because of Nate's family coming in and out and preparing for a garage sale to get rid of the rest of Helen's things.
For the most part though she was so sweet and seemed pretty happy! She had the nicest little purr and she would lick us as a sign of affection (something she still does). She absolutely loved playing with toys, especially ones with string or rope.
When we got back from our honeymoon we made the decision to have her declawed - something I wish I had not done looking back, though that's a story for another day.
As time went on, she started having a few issues that we still deal with - namely that she sometimes urinates outside of her litter box. I realize that would be enough to make some people get rid of a cat, but we love her and we have figured out ways to contain it to certain areas when it does happen. We think she was taken away from her mother too soon and a number of other things that leads to that happening sometimes. Fortunately it's not a frequent occurance by any means and there's a great product that cleans it up very well if it does.
We got Pippin with the intention of her being a friend for Taylor - Nate was going back to work full time and we thought she'd enjoy it. Of course, it took quite awhile to get them acclimated to each other and for the most part I think she just tolerates Pippin, but I do think they keep each other company when we're not around. Taylor is defintely the "queen bee" out of the two of them, even though Pippin is big enough to totally whip her butt.
Nate is Taylor's favorite person. Before we got Pippin, this used to bug me a little bit, but it turns out, I'm Pippin's favorite person, so it just kind of works. And Taylor has moments she likes to be with me. Mostly in the morning while I'm eating my breakfast, I sit on the couch and check my email and Taylor likes to curl up on my lap.
I love her so much, issues and all, I wouldn't change a thing really. And when/if we have children someday, Taylor will always be my first "baby" in my mind!
I know you're going - you don't have children Beth, what are you talking about? I'm talking about becoming a kitty parent of course! So, here we go, storytime!
I moved into our house two months before our wedding so I could start getting things settled and what not. And, as much as I wanted to and as much as she was my cat, I just knew in my heart I couldn't take Cleo away from the only home she'd ever known. Not to mention she was already getting older and she was just as much my mom's cat as she was mine (I've said before that Cleo pretty much has always been a "girl's" cat and just tolerates my dad). So, it was hard for me, but I left her behind.
So, I moved out and started adjusting to my new home. Fortunately I wasn't there completely alone, Ali had been living there to keep it from being empty and to help clean it out since so much of Auntie Helen's stuff was still there and such. But her and I did have different schedules and sometimes I was there alone and it would be kind of lonely at times. So after barely a month of being there, I started thinking about getting my own cat.
Nate and I discussed adopting a cat just as soon as we got married since we both grew up with cats and loved cats. But we had thought we'd wait until after the wedding and honeymoon and all of that.
Then two things happened -
1. Ali and I babysat their family cat for a weekend while my in-laws had their house painted. It helped me see both how a cat would work in our house and also that I truly missed having one around.
2. I started looking at Petfinder.org in my free time and found a cat through an organization called Cause for Paws and I fell in love.
I found out that Cause for Paws was having an adoption event at a Petco not far from us and that the cat I wanted was going to be there. So, I went over to check her out.
And of course, she was even cuter in person. She was this tiny ball of fur, she was about six months old at the time and so sweet. I called Nate who was working on his car and said "I'm going to do this, we are adopting this cat." He agreed, though I'll never know if it was because he was distracted from working on the car or not! I signed the papers and bought all the supplies I'd need for her - the organization was kind enough to give out coupon books to anyone who adopted that day - and then discussed with her foster mom when I could come and get her. She was working on healing from a tiny eye infection, so the foster mom said "let's wait a few days and then you can come and get her." This was fine since Missy hadn't quite gone home yet from our house!
A couple of days later however, Missy went home, and the foster mom called and said my kitty's eye had cleared up and we set up a time for me to pick her up.
She had already been given the name Taylor and we noticed she did respond pretty well to it from the first day we had her at our house. So, we decided to keep the name. Later when I'd put up pictures of her on Facebook and such, I'd say "This is Taylor the Wonder Cat".
The first few days were a little tough - she cried a lot at night and had anxiety about me leaving the house, I'm sure because it was a new environment and at her foster home, she had other cats around and they were confined to one room for the most part. And then just as we got her more or less settled, I had to lock her up during the day for a few days when I was gone because of Nate's family coming in and out and preparing for a garage sale to get rid of the rest of Helen's things.
For the most part though she was so sweet and seemed pretty happy! She had the nicest little purr and she would lick us as a sign of affection (something she still does). She absolutely loved playing with toys, especially ones with string or rope.
When we got back from our honeymoon we made the decision to have her declawed - something I wish I had not done looking back, though that's a story for another day.
As time went on, she started having a few issues that we still deal with - namely that she sometimes urinates outside of her litter box. I realize that would be enough to make some people get rid of a cat, but we love her and we have figured out ways to contain it to certain areas when it does happen. We think she was taken away from her mother too soon and a number of other things that leads to that happening sometimes. Fortunately it's not a frequent occurance by any means and there's a great product that cleans it up very well if it does.
We got Pippin with the intention of her being a friend for Taylor - Nate was going back to work full time and we thought she'd enjoy it. Of course, it took quite awhile to get them acclimated to each other and for the most part I think she just tolerates Pippin, but I do think they keep each other company when we're not around. Taylor is defintely the "queen bee" out of the two of them, even though Pippin is big enough to totally whip her butt.
Nate is Taylor's favorite person. Before we got Pippin, this used to bug me a little bit, but it turns out, I'm Pippin's favorite person, so it just kind of works. And Taylor has moments she likes to be with me. Mostly in the morning while I'm eating my breakfast, I sit on the couch and check my email and Taylor likes to curl up on my lap.
I love her so much, issues and all, I wouldn't change a thing really. And when/if we have children someday, Taylor will always be my first "baby" in my mind!
The wonder cat in all her glory
~Beth~
11/3/10
Wordless Wednesday - Cat in a box
Ok, maybe not completely wordless - just felt like posting a couple of pictures of my crazy cat in hopes that it might make some people smile. Cause she makes me smile.
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