Slow Me Down

Rushing and racing and running in circles

Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose

Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning, getting nowhere

Do you ever hear a song for the first time that just totally speaks to you?  That even feels somewhat autobiographical?  I am constantly amazed by the power of music.  I was listening to Pandora.com yesterday - internet radio type website if you're not familiar - and this song came on by Emmy Rossum, who is actually an actress and stars in one of our favorite shows, Shameless.  She also played Christine in Phantom of the Opera and has an amazing voice and apparently released an album in 2007 - with this song that spoke to me yesterday called "Slow Me Down."

Seriously - I'm listening to this while I'm working and I'm like - holy cow is she singing this song right to me??

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic

Pace of the world, I just wish I could stop it

Try to appear like I've got it together, I'm falling apart

I've been talking quite a bit lately about how we've been in this season of craziness.  Nate's job situation is tough right now.  It's stressful and sometimes it's just day to day on how things are going to be.  And of course, we are beyond thankful that he HAS a job because it was just five years ago about this time of year that the rug was pulled out when he lost a job.  So we know it could be worse.  That doesn't mean that the stress of the current situation is any easier though.  Add to that the fact that many days and weekends we are quite busy with a number of other things and some days it's hard to even see past tomorrow.

Save me, take my hand and lead me

Slow me down

Much of this is sort of out of our control, but we decided to work on some of the things we can control and make easier.  One of them is with our walking and running program.  I mentioned earlier this week that it's on hold.  Part of the problem is how darned early we have to get up in order to do it.  And when Nate's stressed he already has enough trouble sleeping, but the thought of having to get up early enough was just adding to some of that anxiety.  So we said, ok, let's step back here and just go back to getting up a little later again and if we can walk in the evenings we will.  BIG HUGE improvement.  You have no idea.  It is important to me that he gets exercise but it's more important to me right now that he's sleeping well.  For now, it's ok.  I don't have to get up nearly as early to just use the elliptical for my own exercise purposes in the meantime.  And I believe we'll get back to the running someday, especially knowing that we can do it.

All that I've missed I see in the reflection

Passed me while I wasn't paying attention

Tired of rushing and racing and running, I'm falling apart

As for other changes, I've come to realize that while I say I work hard at living in the moment and going one day at a time, I let my mind wander and look ahead too much.  And while planning ahead and keeping the future in mind is a good thing, there comes a point where it can consume you and make it so you aren't appreciating the present.  I've been pretty guilty of that for a little bit now and I think the whole summer passed me in a blur because of it.  I just need to relax and be present in the now.  Everything else will come in good time.

Slow me down, don't let me live a lie

Before my life flies by

I need you to slow me down

And finally as you saw on my weekend recap post, Nate and I are working at focusing time on each other again, taking more time out for fun things and little "escapes" if you will.  We're looking into maybe a short weekend getaway yet this fall if we can work it out.  Just making the time for each other.  And I'm taking more time for myself too.  Last night I treated myself to a super awesome bubble bath and really made myself relax and unwind and guess what?  I slept amazing after that.  While I was chilling in the bubbles I reflected on just how truly blessed we are and the wonderful things we do have in our life.  I thought about how glorious the weather has been this fall and how lovely the colors already are and I just felt totally at peace.

Just need to breathe

Somebody please slow me down

I'm slowing me down.  And I feel really good.

Italicized words are lyrics from Slow Me Down, written and performed by Emmy Rossum.  You can listen to it here.