Taking care of my soul

So lately I've been thinking a lot.  They say with age comes wisdom and I guess I've been rather contemplative since turning 30 and I think I've learned and figured out some things.

I think it's human nature to find fault in others when we're less than satisfied with ourselves.  I'm guilty of it.  During Lent I tried to be less that way, but fell back into the old pattern.  Now I'm really trying hard to give it up again.  Everyone is fighting their own battle in life.  Who am I to judge their choices or how they live their life?  I certainly don't want anyone judging me.  So, I have made a fresh resolve to not make myself feel better by bringing others down.

As I've considered this, I've thought of relationships I've had and some hurt feelings or even bitter feelings I've had with some individuals that maybe weren't fair.  And I'm letting them go.  Water under the bridge.  Starting fresh and forgiving.  And it feels good.  And there has even been some re-connecting with some in my life that I thought I had lost and that has felt good too.

I think it's no coincidence or accident that shortly after I decided to really try harder at being a kinder, less cynical type person that I stumbled onto an online community of women who are doing a bible study together.  And I will admit, I have never been great at reading the bible.  Like, I probably haven't even so much as looked at it since I was a youth minister and even then, I only read what I needed for Confirmation lessons.  So I found this group, this community - first it was just a handful of bloggers posting on Twitter and now it's become www.shereadstruth.com - and the first thing they did was suggest a plan for reading a daily scripture - the Soul Detox plan from the Youversion bible app for iPhone (yes they make these!).  So I started silently following along.  And I feel like this plan was designed just for me - because the very devotions this plan has have all been about to trying to rid ourselves of the negative things in our life.  The "toxic feelings" and "toxic thoughts" we have.

I'm just over a week in and I love it.  I feel refreshed. But I'm far from perfect.  And I certainly don't have a "I"m holier than thou because I'm doing this" attitude.  I just feel this is something I need in my life right now.

I love that there is a community of other women doing this as well who I can share with.  I have friends in real life of all walks of life - others who are religious like myself and many others who are not at all.  And I love and respect all of them - but it's nice to have a place online where I can be a little more open.

I may blog about this from time to time here, because it doesn't feel like it belongs on my fashion blog.  If you feel so inclined, check out Shereadstruth.com and join in as well.  When the Soul Detox plan is over another one will begin.  And if you are one of my non-religious friends, I just ask you respect me in the same way I respect you.  You can skip over these posts and it won't offend me.  And not all of my posts will be about this, just when I feel like I need to write about something.

I'm just feeling such a sense of peace.  And no matter where you're coming from in life, I wish you peace as well.

Just Write: Birthday Memories

So I have definitely accepted the whole "turning 30" thing that is happening next week. I really have. Well, mostly. I'm sure I'll have some weak moments yet. But I really do feel ok with it for the most part.

That doesn't mean I'm not contemplative though about it. Especially when over the weekend I realized, I have celebrated 30 birthdays. That seems like so many all of a sudden. I don't remember my birthdays real well until I was probably 4 or 5.

Each year we did a family party, usually with my grandma and my two favorite aunts and their families. When I got into elementary school, I was allowed to have a friend party as well. And of course, when I got together with Nate, birthdays took on a whole new life, because of his being the day after mine. We started celebrating them with both of our families and having parties with our friends together from pretty much the first year we were dating.

I have many memorable birthday experiences that stick out in my head as I reflect on 30 years worth of them. Some good, some not so good.

The year my dad was helping someone with their electrical work and it started snowing and he was late getting home. The party with my friends when I lost my first tooth in a cupcake but started crying because I thought I swallowed it. The year my mom dropped my cake face down on the floor and had to make a new one in a very short amount of time. Celebrating one year over at my grandma's house because we were remodeling my parents house and the downstairs was all torn up. The sleepover party I had in middle school and two of my friends took off in the middle of the night while the rest of us were sleeping because they were mad at us and my mom having a near heart attack in the morning and regretted taking Ny-Quill for her cold the night before.

Having my first ever sleepover party in 4th grade. Going on my first "grown up" birthday date with my parents to the Mall of America when I turned 11. Sorry for this one boys - "becoming a woman" on my 12th birthday(true story, both embarrassing, but yet kind of special). Having my first boy/girl party for my Sweet 16. Going out for special dinners with Nate. Gambling at Hinckley for the first time when we turned 18. Going out drinking for our 21st and let's just say we laughed a lot. Another college birthday when a fellow sorority sister stole a martini glass for me from Applebees for my present. Celebrating my golden birthday with friends and family at the bowling alley. Having birthday tiramasu from Buca one year instead of birthday cake. Going out with girlfriends for an epic night out to visit Santa and get fancy desserts in the middle of a big snowstorm. Nights of mayhem at Psycho Suzi's. Taking a weekend getaway with Nate to Duluth a couple of years back.

So many good times and even the "less good times" I pretty much look back and laugh at because they are kind of funny when you think about it.

As we've gotten older, and especially since Oktoberfest has become so hugely epic and it is one month before our birthdays, we've kind of scaled back our celebrations a bit, and I don't mind it so much. We still take time to celebrate with just each other and we always celebrate with our family. Plus, we have always had the challenge of our birthdays usually falling smack in the middle of Thanksgiving weekend. Now, when we were kids, this was awesome because you got days off from school! For your birthday! Now, it just kind of throws a wrench into planning too much, especially because Nate usually has relatives in from out of town. But at the same time, I somehow just don't mind that much. I couldn't imagine NOT having birthdays around Thanksgiving at this point in time. It just feels right.

So here I am just 10 days away from my 30th birthday and it is almost crazy to think I've done this 29 other times. It really doesn't make me sad though. It makes me smile to think of all the wonderful ways I've been blessed in my almost 30 years. That's not a bad way to look at it, don't you think?

Linking up to "Just Write" today.



Visit The Extraordinary Ordinary to add your own Just Write post or to read others!

Wednesday musings

Dare I even say out loud that things are on a pretty even keel at the moment?

I have a nice handle on things for Oktoberfest this year.  It's in less than two weeks and I'm not in a crazy rushed panic like I was last year!  I suppose it helps that Dad and Nate aren't still building the bar!  The snags Nate ran into last week are more or less corrected.  He has one more part coming so he can actually add the 7th tap.  It is pretty exciting.

Yesterday we filled up a "Tub" style dumpster with some junk we've been meaning to get rid of for awhile now.  It isn't a huge dumpster so we weren't able to get rid of everything, but we managed to throw out the concrete from the old laundry sink and several doors we've replaced.  Man it feels good to purge sometimes!  We'll do it again this spring more than likely.

Driving to and from work this week I have been in absolute awe of the Fall colors.  I know I keep saying that but seriously, the hues, reds, oranges, golds....they are amazing.  And while I don't love warm weather at this time of year, I am also keeping it in perspective and enjoying it while it last because sometimes it still feels like yesterday that we were shoveling out from 12 inches of snow.

I miss my morning walks and runs with Nate, but man has he been sleeping good lately.  And he's doing better overall.  We're still struggling to make time for evening walks, but I still think we'll get some of those in before the snow falls!

I'm back to a "living in the moment" kind of pace and I'm feeling more peaceful and serene.  I'm ignoring the little voice that tries to creep up saying "but where's the other shoe?" because you know what, it might be out there waiting to fall, but I am not going to be concerned with that.  I will instead enjoy these warm, happy feelings every second that I have them.

Just Write - Him

He is bold and fearless.  His personality is larger than life.  He never apologizes for who he is but he doesn't have to.  He is intellegent, confident and amazing.

He has had a hard time as of late though.  The light in his eyes has been a bit dimmer.  He's somewhere in there, but I can't always see him.

I tell him I want to make it better, I'd do anything, give anything.  He tells me it's not up to me to be the fixer.  He just wants me to be me.  That's enough.  So I back down a bit.

We have found some simple solutions to make things better.  Suddenly things have turned around.  I can see him again.  He's there.  He is himself again.  The light is back.

I am so proud of him, the man he has become in the five years we've been married.  He is my all and my everything and I am so very blessed.  And most of all, he is my hero.

Linking up today to Just Write an exercise in free writing and no editing.  Go visit Heather of the EO to read other Just Write posts or to add your own.

Just Write - Hats

This is a new exercise I'm trying out this week called "Just Write".  On Tuesdays, bloggers are encouraged to "free write" a post without much explanation or editing. In other words, we should "just write".  This is sponsored by Heather of the Extraordinary-Ordinary.  Go here for more information and to read other "Just Write" posts. 

I wear many hats.

I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a "sister". I am a friend. I am a singer. I am an administrative assistant. I'm a "parent" to two furry four legged type children.

I love wearing those hats.  But sometimes, especially when I try to pile them all on at once, I get off balance.  And I will admit to being off balance right now.

Fall is my favorite time of year, but historically it gets full of stuff.  I think because I love this time of year so much, I try to cram a lot of things in at once.  While wearing all of my hats.

So I'm stumbling a little right now as I balance these hats.  And clearly, some of these hats are probably a little more important than the others and should be the ones I'm wearing the most, but some days it's hard to pick and choose.  But I don't want any of the hats to break down, wear out, or fall apart.

I need to re-organize a bit.  Pull them all off.  Set them aside and make sure I'm still underneath them all.   Underneath them should be a person.  And I certainly don't want to lose site of her.

Then I can pull my hats back on.  Without them my head would most certainly be cold, so I cannot get rid of them, I would not want to.  But I can work on balancing them better.  Then I will not fall down.